Day 8 : How can Couples Develop True Intimacy?

Why Intimacy is Important

Intimacy is important to your marriage because it takes your relationship beyond the surface. You leave the superficial level presented by our facades, pretences, and masks and go deeper. A tree whose roots don’t go deep in the soil will be more easily uprooted by a storm. But a tree whose roots go deep will be much harder to uproot when strong contrary winds blow against it. In the same way, a marriage in which the couples have dug deep into each other by being truly intimate will be harder to uproot when they face challenging times.

What is true intimacy?

Sex isn’t intimacy even though the word intimacy is often used as a euphemism to describe the act. However, fulfilling sex is a product of true intimacy. Most married couples would have discovered this by now. Sex with your spouse doesn’t mean that they’re intimate with you. They may be familiar with parts of your body that others don’t see, but may still not know what’s in your mind or soul. So even though you allow your body to be seen, touched, and in the case of the wife, penetrated you could still remain a closed book to your spouse and vice-versa. Sex is the ultimate intimate PHYSICAL act between a man and a woman, but true intimacy in marriage encompasses it, and goes beyond it.

The word intimacy comes from the Latin intimatus which pertains to the word “innermost”. Intimacy is the experience of becoming familiar with the inner workings and inner parts of a person. It’s an experience that can be physical, emotional and mental, as well as spiritual. In the case of the marriage relationship, this Day will be concentrating on emotional and mental intimacy.

True intimacy between couples is first of all of the soul before the body. It could be the scariest part of a relationship. Exposing you to another person. When I say exposing, please don’t’ think I’m talking about a man wearing a long trench coat with skinny legs sticking out underneath about to open the coat and showing people parts that should best remain hidden. No, I mean the kind that involves you looking your spouse in the eye and speaking from your heart.

If your heart could speak, what would it say? What would it say about a situation, a challenge, a fear, a pressure, and even your spouse? What would it say if you didn’t have to open your mouth? Intimacy is being willing to take the risk of sharing with another the secret thoughts of our hearts. The noted Author Chris Oyakhilome says that words are thoughts clothed in vocabulary. Intimacy is being able and willing to bring yourself out of the shadows of your hidden thoughts and pains and joys into the light of another person’s “knowing”.