|
We’ve all heard the term “Irreconcilable Differences”. It’s one of the most common reasons sited by couples seeking divorce. Irreconcilable differences. What does it really mean? Some people call it Incompatibility which means that two parties are incapable of harmonious co-existence. Are the differences between you and your spouse so strong that are able to tear your marriage apart? Is there anything you can do about it short of applying for a divorce?
It may surprise some to know that in the UK for example, divorce isn’t granted on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. It is however granted on the grounds of Irretrievable Breakdown, which must be proven by producing evidence of one of five things:
- Unreasonable behaviour
- Adultery
- Desertion
- Two years separation with consent
- Five years separation without contact
Things like violence and heavy drinking or drug taking would fall into the category of unreasonable behaviour while the last four are self-explanatory and don’t need any further description. Dealing with the factors that prove Irretrievable Breakdown is beyond the scope of this course. However, we will be looking at what to do about those everyday habits and differences that drive you and your spouse round the bend.
Squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube has threatened the existence of many a marriage. Some couples argue constantly about the best way to make the bed, hang up the washing, load the washing machine, and so on. I even know of a husband who insists his food must be arranged in the plate a certain way. His gravy must always be on his right corner (or is it the left?) and his potatoes on the other side, and his vegetables always on the same corner. This may sound totally irrelevant to some people, but for this couple it causes major contention.
These differences are caused by the habits that we’ve formed, our family or cultural upbringing, and the way we think. If we were really so incompatible (that is incapable of harmonious co-existence), we wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place. But what happens is that after marriage, those habits that were hidden or unknown while we were courting have come out into the open. Also the familiarity that comes from living together has made us relaxed enough to stop being on our best behaviour.
If you want to enjoy your marriage, you need to learn how to handle the differences between you and your spouse. Even though your spouse may not be learning what you’re learning now, a change in your actions and thinking will bring about a change in them. Remember, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So if you change, they will have to change as well because they will re-adjust to the change in you.
Research has shown that there are long term benefits to marriage so sticking it out and ironing out the differences is enormously worthwhile. Knowing how to reconcile your irreconcilable differences would mean fewer arguments, less discontentment, and resentment.
More in this chapter:
- 5 Steps to Reconciling Your Differences
- You don't have to like the same things
- You don't have to do things the same way
- Emphasing on the things you have in common, etc
Get the rest of 10 Days to a Happier Marriage now ...
|
