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Effective communication affects every aspect of a marriage relationship, from money to intimacy. Sex doesn't build up intimacy, communication does. So it's really important that we learn to communicate effectively in order to build a strong and happy marriage.
What is the goal of communication? Is it just to talk and talk and talk? Or is there a purpose behind it? For me, whether I’m talking to my husband, my children, a friend, a colleague, or someone I am counselling, I want to be sure that they understand what I am saying and that I understand what they’re saying.
The goal of communication is to ensure that both of you understand each other. Without understanding on both sides, confusion, fighting, and hurt feelings will be the order of the day. This means that talking is not enough.
Do you know of the ancient story of the Tower of Babel? According to the story, the people all spoke the same language. As a result, they were united in thought. They decided to make a name for themselves by building a tower that would go right up to heaven. As the story goes, God didn’t laugh them off and say they couldn’t do it. Instead he said “The people think as one man and nothing they imagine to do will be impossible to them.”
So he went down and confused their speech. When one man spoke to his neighbour, he heard the words, but couldn’t understand him. The result was chaos and the building had to stop because communication had broken down. Eventually, they became scattered all over the earth because they couldn’t live together any more. Afterwards that place was called the Tower of Babel which means tower of confusion. God didn’t have to destroy the building, nor did he have to take away their tools, all he did was to remove their ability to understand each other.
It’s safe to say that if all people thought alike and spoke the same mental language, they would communicate better and conflicts would be significantly reduced. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. We don’t all think alike, and we don’t all process what we hear the same way. This means that we must develop communication skills that will help us understand others and be understood ourselves.
More in this chapter:
- Our Biggest Communication Tool (hint: not our mouths!)
- Communication isn't only about words
- 4 Techniques for breaking down the walls of communication
- Point of Reference
- Word Pictures, etc
- 10 Marriage Communication Mistakes
- Using sub-text
- Silence
- Problems with Listening, etc
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